My wife has joined the mile high club and fallen for a pilot she works with

To start with our relationship was perfect. We were loving and considerate towards one another and had a great sex life but after our children were born, she couldn't wait to get back to work each time.

I was happy to be at home with them, cooking and cleaning and doing the school runs while she was high maintenance and didn’t seem to want to spend time with us.

I tried to talk to her during our holiday and she said she just felt different and no longer loved me, but said, “That’s normal though isn’t it?”

Recently she forgot her phone in the car and a message flashed up from one of the pilots saying, ‘Can’t wait to see you alone tomorrow’.

When I read more of their messages it became clear they share a bedroom while they are away.

I can’t look at her. I’m devastated.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’re still reeling, but don’t rule out that you could still have a future together.

She hasn’t admitted to an affair so do let her know you’ve seen her messages.

Ask her to be honest with you because whether you split, or try to stay together, you both need to understand where everything has changed.

From that point you’ll both be able to consider what changes are needed.

Talk to a counsellor - either alone or with your wife - it will help you navigate this challenging time.

An affair doesn’t have to mean the end. It can be the beginning of an even better, more solid marriage unless either of you decides to give it all up.

My support pack called Cheating - Can You Get Over It? explains more.