Dear Deidre
I’ve fallen out of love with my husband and in love with my kitchen fitter
DEAR DEIDRE: I’ve fallen in love with my kitchen fitter – and out of love with my husband.
At first I stayed out of his way while he worked but as the month wore on, I found myself laughing and chatting with him. I started to look forward to him arriving, making sure I was dressed and presentable.
I'm 35, my husband’s 39 and we’ve been married for ten years. We have one daughter together, aged seven.
My husband works long hours managing a restaurant and bar and I run an online clothing shop.
When the kitchen was finished, we exchanged numbers and we started messaging regularly. We’d talk about everything — and I mean everything — such as what we enjoyed in bed.
Then the inevitable happened. We’d had a few drinks at a bar and we got too close.
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Things escalated very quickly and we started exploring sexual fantasies together - something my husband has no interest in.
Ever since our relationship has blossomed and I’ve fallen head over heels for him.
We used to have a blissful marriage until I discovered a year ago that my husband had been having an affair. I felt so betrayed and things haven't been the same since.
I had no intention of being unfaithful, but my lover was so attentive it was hard to resist.
My lover, who is 45, wants to support me and I’m ready to leave my husband for him, but I don't want to hurt my daughter.
I’m in such a mess and I feel so trapped. My lover has been so patient but I feel guilty about keeping him waiting for so long.
I worry all the time he might find someone else.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You sound certain that you want your marriage to end but before you make any rash decisions try to remember you’re in the heady, early days of romance with your lover.
Things are bound to feel amazing and it’s natural to want to follow that exciting feeling, but I would urge you to think long and hard if your marriage is worth fighting for.
You should only leave because you are unhappy, not because you have a lover by your side.
The last thing you want is to tear your life apart and discover life with your lover doesn't measure up.
My support pack Torn Between Two Men will help.
If you decide to stay, couples counselling will be essential. You can find support through Tavistock Relationships, (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1975).
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