I’m nervous about spending time with my dying friend
DEAR DEIDRE: One of my oldest friends is dying, and I’m heartbroken.
My wife and I would like to spend as much time with her as we can before it’s too late, but we don’t want to intrude on her family time or upset her husband.
I’m a 49-year-old man, and my wife is 47. Our friend is only 48, as is her husband.
We’ve known each other since college and have always been incredibly close, even going on holidays together.
Despite being a non-smoker, who ate healthily and exercised, she was diagnosed with lung cancer last year.
Unfortunately, the gruelling treatments didn’t work and now she’s in a hospice getting palliative care. She has weeks to live.
We want to visit to keep her spirits up and let her know how much we care.
Her husband says we can go anytime we like but we don’t want to get in the way of their remaining precious time together.
How do we navigate this without upsetting anyone?
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the Facebook page or email us at:
DEIDRE SAYS: Your friend is so lucky to have caring, supportive and thoughtful people like you and your wife in her life.
Death can make so many of us feel uncomfortable and unsure about how behave, but your friend has welcomed your involvement so it sounds as if they would like to see you.
He’s probably exhausted and stressed. Why not message him, asking when the best times to visit are so you can give him a rest sometimes, and make sure she has company.
Say you’d like to be there for him too, whenever he needs you.
My support pack on Cancer may be useful for you to read.
