I’ve had enough of my non-existent sex life

DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though I’m head over heels in love with my girlfriend, I’ve grown tired of our non-existent sex life.

Every time I try to initiate, there's always an excuse, and I’m starting to wonder if our relationship is a lost cause.

I’m 32, she’s 29 and we’ve been together for two years. 

In the beginning, it was hard for us to keep our hands off of each other. Our sex life was passionate, wild, and spontaneous. 

While I expected the sexual tension to slightly wear off as we settled into our relationship, I never expected it to drop off a cliff completely. 

It was as if one day she decided she didn’t want to sleep with me again, and has been avoiding intimacy ever since. 

Every time I try to initiate anything, she either pretends to be asleep or rolls over and claims she’s too tired. 

At this point, I’ve given up entirely. Being constantly rejected hurts me and it’s starting to affect my self-esteem.

The last thing I want is for us to break up, but she simply refuses to discuss the subject. 

At this point, I don’t know what to do, and I’m beginning to worry that we can’t fix this.

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s clear that there’s something deeper going on here and the longer you both ignore it the worse it’ll get. Your feelings of frustration and resentfulness will grow, ultimately destroying your relationship.

You need to find a time to sit down and work it out. Find a moment to talk to her about how you are feeling and explain how serious this is for you. 

Tell her how much you love her, but that you can’t stay in a sexless relationship forever. 

If she’s willing to work on it, some sex and relationship counselling will help. Contact the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (cosrt.org.uk).

My support pack Saving Your Sex Life will also help.