Condom wrapper in husband’s bag shows he cheated – but he insists he ‘bottled it’
DEAR DEIDRE: I’ve lost all trust in my husband after finding an opened condom wrapper in his suitcase after he returned from a work trip.
He says he ‘bottled it’ and didn’t actually do the dirty with this other woman on a work trip but I can’t look at him the same, and moving on from this feels impossible.
I’m 40, he’s 44 and we have been together for 15 years.
A couple of months ago he started a new job as a marketing consultant which meant he’d frequently be travelling around the country for work.
While it took a while to adjust to his new work commitments, I was excited for him and had no worries about him being away.
Yet a couple of weeks ago I was unpacking his suitcase when I discovered an opened silver wrapper in the pocket of one of his work trousers.
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My heart sank. Since I’m on the pill and we have unprotected sex, I knew exactly what that meant.
He'd never given me a reason not to trust him, so I was taken completely off guard.
I had no time to process before my husband walked in the room and saw what I had found. He wasted no time before he was begging me for forgiveness.
He admitted that while he’d had a few too many drinks and things had gone too far with a woman he was working with when push came to shove he couldn’t go through with it.
He promised me that they didn’t have sex, and it was a huge lapse of judgement.
I could see that he was genuinely sorry and while I was heartbroken, I chose to stay and work through it.
Since then I’ve been struggling to move past it and things between us have felt strained.
The last thing I want is to give up on him, but I am honestly devastated. Where do I go from here?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Whether he went through with it or not, your husband has broken your trust, and that will take time to rebuild.
While it’s normal to struggle after a betrayal, if you suffer in silence nothing will improve.
It’s essential that you talk to your husband and explain what’s been on your mind. If you don’t, things will only fester and you’ll ultimately feel worse.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? shows how you can work together to be stronger than before.
You could also benefit from some relationship counselling. You can find support via tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).