I’m worried my no-strings-attached lover is being unfaithful
DEAR DEIDRE: I’m having incredible sex in a friends with benefits relationship, but I’m not sure she’s being honest with me.
I’d love to become official with her but she rents a room in a house and I suspect she is sleeping with one of her housemates.
We’ve been having a ‘no strings’ relationship for six months. I’m 34 and she’s 30.
We met at my local pub and what started as a one-night stand developed into regular drinks and sex.
She said from the start that she doesn’t want a relationship or anything serious.
I was happy with that at first, but I’ver really started to fall for her.
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She’s interesting, kind and great company, not to mention gorgeous - and we have fun together.
Sex with her is amazing. She’s adventurous and energetic, and she wants to do it several times a night.
I’ve got a high sex drive, and my previous lovers have always found me too demanding.
But she never wants me to come back to her place. She always says she’d prefer to stay at mine.
And often, she’s not available when I message to meet up.
I think it’s because of her housemate. He’s older - 50 - and owns the house she lives in.
I’ve met him a couple of times. He’s not very friendly to me, and I can tell by the way he looks at her that he fancies her.
She talks about him a lot and says he’s a great landlord. When I asked if anything was going on between them, she laughed and said she hoped I wasn’t getting jealous and possessive.
How can I be sure she’s not having sex with him too?
I don’t know if I trust her. Should I call it quits before I get hurt?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Friends with benefits arrangements only work if both partners are on the same page.
It sounds like she only wants casual sex, but you are starting to want more from her. That’s making you feel insecure.
It’s hard to know if she is sleeping with her housemate, or if that’s just your jealousy talking.
Unfortunately, she’s made no commitment to you, so you can’t expect her to be faithful.
However, you do deserve honesty. Ask her straight out, and perhaps admit that you’ve developed feelings.
At least you’ll know where you stand. My support pack Understanding Jealousy will help you.
It might be better to walk away now, rather than get your heart broken later.