My ex ghosted me after having an affair – but now he’s sucking up to me

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex-boyfriend cruelly ghosted me when he found a better option – but now he’s back from the dead and doing his best to suck up to me.

I’m 35, my ex-partner is 40 and his new girlfriend is 37. We were together for 12 years, not that he exactly believed in monogamy.

I know he cheated on me at least three times, including his affair with his current girlfriend.

I was devastated when he left me, cutting all contact and even blocking me on social media.

But now he has started writing cards to my 16-year-old son. The last one, which arrived on his birthday, had a £20 note inside.

My son had never had a good relationship with him during the time we were together, so this doesn’t make any sense.

I much preferred it when there wasn’t any contact.

Now he’s unblocked me everywhere, I can see the week he left me he started flaunting his new relationship on Facebook.

The gushing posts were unlike anything he’d said about me. I felt so confused.

She wasn’t his usual type, and he must have known that seeing the update would hurt my feelings.

A mutual friend later told me he admitted that he was cheating with this woman behind my back.

To make matters worse, I was told that his family adored her while I’d only met them on a few occasions.

Our relationship was far from perfect — my ex-partner financially abused me and cheated on me many times. He was also arrested on multiple occasions and I often bailed him out.

I’ve told him there is no point in us staying in touch but he will not leave me alone.

He’s giving me mixed signals. I’m even wondering if he wants to rekindle things.

What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: This man thinks you are at his beck and call, sitting on the shelf, waiting to be dusted off.

It speaks volumes that you were happiest when he’d blocked you on everything, giving you no explanation while he busied himself with his new girlfriend.

Ghosting you in this way says a lot more about him than you.

He doesn’t have the emotional maturity or grace to explain himself to you.

But honestly it sounds as if you’ve had a lucky escape.

He might be back in touch because he feels bad about his behaviour or he may regret leaving you.

Perhaps he is unsettled to see you moving on without him.

But try not to dwell on his reasons. Whatever his motivation for trying to reconnect with you, this abusive man has displayed several narcissistic tendencies and you would be wise to keep the door closed on him.

My support pack Toxic Love explains more.