Dear Deidre
I’m worried my sexual kink is perverted
DEAR DEIDRE: The thought of my girlfriend having sex with another man turns me on so much that I want to make my fantasy a reality.
But I’m worried this makes me a bit weird or perverted.
I’m a man aged 46 and my partner is 45.
We have been together for three years.
A few weeks ago we were in bed, tipsy, when we started talking about our exes and what we had got up to sexually with each of them.
As she described her previous sexual experiences, I found myself getting more and more excited.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the Facebook page or email us at:
Since then, we’ve talked about it every time we have had sex, and it has made our orgasms so much stronger.
We even carried on our fantasy when we went to a restaurant. We discussed the men at the other tables, and I got her to describe exactly what she would let them do to her.
Last night, I voiced my thoughts, saying to her: “We should stop talking about it and actually do it. I want to watch you with another man.”
I was nervous that she would tell me where to go, but I think she liked the idea of it too.
Now I’m concerned that there’s something wrong with me for wanting this.
I’ve never felt this urge before with anyone else, and yet now I am obsessed with it.
I have no idea how to go about arranging it, though. I don’t want it to be a man I know.
But you can’t just go up to a stranger in the pub and ask him to have sex with your partner, can you?
Should I try to pursue this or should I put it out of my mind?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Having this type of sexual fantasy is far more common than you would imagine, and it doesn’t make you weird.
Wanting to see your partner with another man is wanting to be a cuckold.
But turning fantasies into reality rarely goes the way you’d imagine.
Even if your partner agrees, and you can find a willing man to have sex with her in front of you, you don’t know how it will make you feel.
You could become jealous or upset.
And the worst case scenario is that it would have a negative effect on your otherwise strong relationship.
Talk to your partner about this carefully and make a joint decision you are both comfortable with.
Sometimes fantasies are best kept in the realm of imagination.
Read my support packs Sexual Fantasies and Swapping And Swinging for more on this.
Topics