Dear Deidre
I was the last to learn about my wife’s nasty little secret
DEAR DEIDRE: My wife cheated on me with a maintenance man at work and I was the last to find out.
I work as a restaurant manager for a hotel and my wife is a receptionist in the same place. That’s where we met.
After arriving at work one day I found a gaggle of the kitchen and waiting staff laughing and smirking at a video.
One of them nudged the others as soon as they spotted me and they tried to carry on as if nothing had happened.
Later on I demanded to know what was going on. The head waiter eventually showed me a video of my wife walking out of a store room adjusting her skirt.
Moments later the maintenance team member walked out looking smug. It was obvious what they’d been up to. And the head waiter confirmed that all the staff knew about them.
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I was so humiliated and angry, that I stormed home and demanded an explanation. Once she admitted the fling, I insisted she move out of our home and back with her parents.
Devastated, I told my family and friends all the gory details about her betrayal.
I went back to work and told everyone she’d made a fool of me. The staff felt sorry for me.
She regrets her fling and has begged me to take her back but how can I, now everyone knows about what she did?
I’m a man of 40 and my wife is 41. We’ve got one daughter, 12, and I thought we had a happy marriage.
We were like ships that pass in the night but I was happy.
Now things are awkward at work. We both go out of our way to avoid each other and they are even more difficult at home when she comes to spend time with our daughter.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You must do whatever feels right for you and your family. Everyone else comes second. Their opinions are irrelevant outside of what you and your wife agree.
It may seem impossible to believe right now, but I hear from many couples who worked through an affair and say they are closer than ever.
The person who’s cheated often realises they want the relationship they already have. The injured party can sometimes realise they’ve taken their partner for granted.
Don’t put on a front, pretending nothing has happened won’t help either of you.
But do make sure you are protecting your daughter from any tension.
Instead find some help through a counsellor at Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1975) so that you can decide how to bring your relationship back on track.
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