I can’t get my troubled alcoholic ex off my mind

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I broke up with my troubled ex-girlfriend I thought I’d feel like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders, but months later I still can’t get her off my mind.

Every time I think I’m starting to move on, I get pulled back by all consuming thoughts of her and I take ten steps back.

I’m 42, my ex is 39 and we were together for four years.

From the beginning of our relationship, she struggled with her drinking but there were always more good days than bad. 

However, over time she began to spiral out of control.

While I always did my best to support her, it became apparent she would often turn to alcohol to suppress her anxiety.

On far too many occasions she'd stumble home after being out all night ignoring all my texts and calls. 

My trust in her started to diminish when I started finding out about her drunk antics with other men. 

On a few occasions, we broke up because of our constant arguments, but somehow we always found our way back to one another. 

After years of constant back and forth, it’s safe to say I was drained. I finally decided to end it when she turned up to my mum’s birthday meal totally plastered. 

Ever since I can’t stop questioning if I did the right thing.

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DEIDRE SAYS: It is completely natural to wonder about ‘what could have been’. But realistically unless your ex was able to confront and control her issues by which I mean the anxiety and drinking, you would never have been able to have a relationship with that version of her.

You’ve started to forget the very valid reasons you broke up with her. 

You did everything that you could - for years. If you had stayed it would only have brought you down more. 

As hard as it is right now, know you have had a lucky escape.

I’m sending you my support pack Moving On to help you through.