I want to leave my husband, but will I ruin my daughter’s wedding?
DEAR DEIDRE: After decades of deep unhappiness, I’m ready to leave my sexless marriage.
But our daughter is getting married in the summer and she will be devastated if I leave her dad before her wedding. What should I do?
I’m 54 and have been married to my husband, 59 for 27 years. Our daughter is 25.
Our marriage soured soon after our daughter was born, and we stopped having sex.
I think we’ve now been completely celibate for ten years. My husband doesn’t seem to care, but I do.
We’ve tried counselling, but it did nothing. The truth is, we have nothing to say to each other.
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I no longer love him and am certain I want a divorce.
Our daughter isn’t aware how unhappy I am, as I’ve always tried to keep it from her.
She loves her dad – she’s a real daddy’s girl – and has talked about how special it is that he will be walking her down the aisle.
She’s so excited about her wedding and her marriage to her fiancé. I want her big day to be perfect.
But I’ve wasted enough time being miserable and I don’t think I can continue to live a lie any longer. The thought of having to play happy families at the top table fills me with dread. What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: I would not generally recommend someone stays in an unhappy marriage. But I wonder if, in this case, it wouldn’t be better for you to wait until after your daughter’s wedding.
You’ve been unhappy for many years. What’s a few more months, months in which you can plan?
Leave now and it could make the wedding tough for everyone, you included. Your daughter would be hurt and angry, and you’d feel guilty.
You’ve had couples counselling. Perhaps it would help to have some solo counselling. In the meantime, read my support pack, Thinking Of Divorce, so you know the steps to take in advance.