Self-destructive son can’t stop drinking and I fear losing access to my grandson
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M worried I will lose my son because of his drinking and self-destructive tendencies.
He is 39 and suffers from depression. He has one child of 11, who lives with his mother.
My son is meant to have my grandson on arranged days in the week and regularly over the weekend.
It took everything in his power to be granted these visitation rights, but over the past couple of months he hasn’t even collected his boy.
Instead, he goes out all night drinking.
For the past few weekends, he has gone out on a Friday night and come back on a Sunday morning with a hangover.
He’ll then pick his son up for a few hours before taking him home.
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I’m sure his ex, my grandson’s mum, will use these bad episodes against him if he can’t get a grip.
It’s during these weekend binges that my son doesn’t answer his phone, and no one knows if he’s dead or alive. For a mother, it’s a nightmare.
Once, I even called the hospital and police station because I thought he must have had an accident.
He doesn’t communicate with his ex-partner, which causes more unnecessary angst.
He has been getting help for his depression but the last couple of months have been awful. What can I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: When your son is sober try to talk to him about how worried you are.
Tell him he is destroying his relationship with your grandson.
He’s no longer a good role model for him, and if he continues like this your grandson may well stop wanting to visit him.
As well as being let down by him, he’ll be getting little attention when his dad is present but hungover.
My support pack Dealing With A Problem Drinker will help you.
Ask your son to revisit his doctor and seek help for his depression.
You can also write confidentially to his doctor, explaining your concerns.
Ultimately, your son is the person who needs to make contact, but lack of motivation is a symptom of depression.
Drinking will stop the pain on a temporary basis but will damage his health long-term.