Boyfriend was violent with me and now I am having secret lesbian affair
DEAR DEIDRE: I STARTED a lesbian affair after a romantic getaway with my boyfriend went wrong when he turned violent.
I’m 22, my boyfriend is 23 and we’ve been together for 20 months.
We went for a weekend away last year — our first trip as a couple — and everything was going just perfectly, it was loads of fun.
But we had a huge row over something stupid towards the end of our second night and he hit me in the stomach as we walked back to our hotel.
It was totally out of character and I was shocked
He apologised as soon as he’d done it but I was so upset I went back into town, while he carried on to the hotel room.
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I wanted to calm down so went into a bar for a drink and got talking to this brilliant girl.
She sat and listened to me all evening and really seemed to understand me.
We talked and drank the night away. She suggested I should stay in her hotel room.
As soon as her bedroom door closed we were in each other’s arms kissing. I loved the feeling and I didn’t pull away.
We fell into her bed and had the most amazing sex. I didn’t want the night to end.
My boyfriend hasn’t hit me again but it definitely feels like things have changed between us.
This woman and I have met a few times since I’ve returned home and we text continually.
She’s 26 and this is my first gay relationship.
I’m always so excited about seeing her and our sex life gets better each time we see each other.
She holds her cards very close to her chest and hasn’t said how she feels about me, but I think I’m falling in love.
However, I don’t want to leave my boy-friend over something I’m not sure about.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It is no wonder you are having doubts about your boyfriend after he hit you.
If you don’t feel safe with him, it’s completely natural to want some sort of distraction and, of course, an affair will provide exactly that.
But please make sure you get the support you need to deal with his violence, and make a decision on your relationship with him before becoming even more deeply invol-ved with this woman.
A new, same-sex affair will be exciting, but ultimately it’s distracting you from issues in your relationship that you should not ignore.
Please contact Women’s Aid () for support.
Don’t stay with your boyfriend simply because you don’t think you have a better option.
Only stay with him if he gets help for his aggression and you decide he is the right partner for you.