I love my girlfriend dearly but I’m struggling to deal with her past

DEAR DEIDRE: Even though I love my girlfriend dearly, I’m struggling to deal with her past.

I know I have no right to be jealous but knowing what she used to get up to has rattled me.

I’m 30, she’s 29 and we’ve been together for a year. 

Before we met she was quite the party girl but has always been open and honest about her antics. 

I knew she had been involved with a fair share of men but I didn’t think it bothered me. I trusted her and all that mattered was that she was committed to our relationship.

However, as time has passed by I’ve found myself becoming increasingly jealous. 

These days I can’t help myself from combing through her likes and followers wondering how many of them she has actually slept with. 

I’m not proud of it but just the other day I found myself on her phone scrolling through her old conversations with other men.

Seeing her talk to them and finding out what she really got up to has put me on edge.

While I know she can’t change the past, I can’t get it off my mind.

The thought of her with all these other men is driving me mad.

I trust her but her history is starting to make me spiral. 

DEIDRE SAYS: Your behaviour is becoming obsessive and is unhealthy for both of you, and your relationship.

While it’s natural to feel jealous about exes, you have to remember that that was then and she’s with you now, enjoying a faithful, loving relationship.

We all come as a package, complete with our past experiences, and all that has gone before has shaped the girl you fell for.

While you can’t change her sexual history you can work to resolve these feelings. 

Have you been let down in the past? Perhaps you would benefit from building up your own self-esteem.

My support pack Dealing With Jealousy can also help.