My boyfriend rations sex and keeps all the thrills for himself
Read Dear Deidre Editor Sally Land's personal replies to today's problems.
DEAR DEIDRE: My boyfriend is only interested in sex when it suits him.
It feels like I’ve tried everything to reignite the spark between us, but we only ever get intimate on his terms, and even then we still feel disconnected.
I’m a woman and 27, my boyfriend is 30 and we’ve been together for five years.
Our sex life used to be amazing, however over the last few years things have become stale.
While my sex drive hasn’t faltered, my boyfriend has gradually become less and less interested.
These days, anytime I try anything to get close to him he just shies away or claims he’s tired and not in the mood.
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We often go weeks without having sex until the odd day he decides he wants it. Even then he only looks after himself and I’m left unsatisfied.
I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he refuses to admit there’s anything wrong.
How do I fix this?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s not surprising that you’re feeling down.
Men can go off intimacy for many reasons, often triggered by stress or anxiety. My support pack Reviving A Man’s Sex Drive might be helpful.
Try talking to him again and ask him to open up about any worries he has.
His lack of interest in your satisfaction needs to be addressed.
If he is willing to get help, try some sex and relationship counselling, if not, you may need to make a tough decision.
The College Of Sexual And Relationship Therapy can help you find a reputable counsellor ().