My male neighbour thinks it’s okay to manhandle my wife
Read Dear Deidre Editor Sally Land's personal reply below
DEAR DEIDRE: My next-door-neighbour constantly talks about sex in front of my wife – it’s making me question if they’re having an affair.
He also hugs her at any opportunity – for that bit too long, too tightly and sometimes even rubs her back when they say hello. It’s making me paranoid.
I’m 44 and my wife is 42. We’ve been married for 12 years and have two children.
We’ve always got on well with all our neighbours in our quiet cul-de-sac. Everyone is friendly and helpful, and we sometimes socialise.
About six months ago, a new family moved in next door. They are a little younger than us and don’t have kids.
The wife works away a lot, while her husband works from home and has been doing up the house.
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From the moment they met, he and my wife seemed to take a shine to each other.
It didn’t bother me at first that he made her laugh, or that she was always popping over to take food.
But lately, I’ve noticed strong sexual tension between them. He often makes crude jokes, or uses innuendo.
Normally, my wife would find this rude or inappropriate. She doesn’t – she just laughs even louder.
They do this in front of me, so they’re not hiding it.
I think they’ve been texting each other too, although I haven’t been able to confirm this as my wife keeps her phone close at all times, and I don’t know her password.
It feels like they’re intimate, or certainly about to become so.
I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to confront my wife and upset her if I’m wrong.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: The way your wife behaves around this man is making you insecure, so you need to address it.
You’ve no concrete evidence that they’re having an affair. It may be that they just share a sense of humour and have become good friends.
But your gut is telling you something is happening between them.
You need to talk to your wife. Rather than confronting her about a possible affair, which will make her defensive, it’s best to take a gentler approach.
Perhaps say you feel uncomfortable with him hugging her and his sex talk.
Ask how she’d feel if you were behaving the same way with his wife.
If she wants to respect your relationship she will take your feelings on board and discourage his behaviour.
See my support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, for more advice.