Nothing could have prepared me for my husband’s reaction to my affair
DEAR DEIDRE: AS I braced myself to confess all about my affair to my husband, nothing could have prepared me for his reaction.
I’d lost my head, been regularly kissing and cuddling one of his friends and been in an intense emotional affair. We have deep feelings for each other.
Telling my husband, I was worried he would get angry, perhaps even threaten to kick me out, instead he told me he was turned on!
Now I’m the one who is devastated.
I’m 33 and my husband is 35. We’ve been together 11 years and we have two sons.
The only reason I decided to tell my husband was that a mutual friend saw me and my lover kissing after a party.
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I’ve been terrified ever since that she was going to blow our cover by telling my husband, or my lover’s wife.
When this mutual friend started adding quotes to her Facebook page about lying and cheating. I know they were directed at me and the game was up.
I couldn’t bear the stress any longer so I told my husband what I’d been up to and he laughed.
He certainly wasn’t bothered about my big confession and has even suggested that I can carry on kissing other men.
I’m so confused and feel trapped. I don’t think my lover will leave his family and yet my husband has effectively told me he doesn’t care about our affair.
I’m pretty sure my husband has cheated on me in the past although he has never directly admitted it.
Really all I want is to be loved and yet the man who genuinely cares can't be with me, while my husband couldn’t give a monkey’s.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your quest to feel loved has pushed you into this risky reality. If your lover won’t leave his family, you know the relationship can’t go anywhere and you’re simply prolonging the inevitable.
Tell him it’s over and messing around isn’t your style.
Next you need to work out if you and your husband have a future.
It certainly sounds like he has been taking you for granted, leaving you emotionally available for an affair.
Sit him down and ask him to be honest with you. You have two children, and for their sake at least, it’s worth trying to sort things out between you.
How have things become so complacent between you both and is there a way back for your marriage?
My support pack Cheating Can You Get Over It will help you both.