DEAR DEIDRE
I am hooked on the thrill of affair with lover to ease pain of sad marriage
DEAR DEIDRE: MY secret lover makes me feel far happier in the few fleeting moments we are together than my husband ever has.
Admittedly, the rest of the time he drives me mad with mixed signals.
But there are moments when he makes me feel incredible and for that one per cent of the time our affair is worth it.
I’m convinced my husband knows something is wrong and may even suspect I’m having an affair but so far he has turned a blind eye.
I’m pretty sure he’s seen messages I’ve sent to my lover, a former colleague but still he says nothing.
But then again my husband has cheated on me countless times.
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I’m 48, my husband is 49 and the last 15 years of our marriage have been miserable.
I think I’ve always loved him and will admit his shoddy treatment of me has made me vengeful.
I didn’t want to sneak around, a part of me wanted my husband to know I’d found someone else who wanted me and thought I was desirable.
My lover and I regularly meet for a drink at the weekend, or get together after work, in our cars.
He makes me feel so excited and brightens up my day — the problem is he is married with children and says he can’t commit to anything with me, he’d never leave his family. So for now I’m trapped.
I’m hooked on the thrill of our illicit affair and at least my lover wants me.
DEIDRE SAYS: I understand you have been dealing with the heartbreak of your husband’s behaviour for years but in reality your lover is offering you nothing more than a cheap thrill.
Please expect more. This man has made it clear he doesn’t want any more than an illicit encounter.
Stop seeing your lover. It will be difficult to wean yourself off him to begin with, but it is possible and start talking to your husband.
You loved each other once – isn’t it worth trying to reconnect and talk honestly about what has gone wrong?
Even if he won’t accompany you, visiting a relationship counsellor () would help you work out your next steps.
Because one thing is for sure, continuing to accept the crumbs that your lover is throwing your way, or your husband’s poor treatment of you, will not end happily.
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