Can I forgive my wife and brother for their betrayal?
DEAR DEIDRE: Walking in on my brother with his hands all over my wife made me understand what “seeing the red mist” means.
I would have hurt him if I hadn’t run off.
He has always been a womaniser, boasting about his conquests. But he has gone too far this time. I don’t think I’ll ever talk to him again.
As for my wife, I’m devastated. I thought we were great together but now I don’t know if we have a future.
My wife is 37, I’m 39 and we have a five-year-old son. My brother is 36.
I’m left with the image of him pulling her trousers down and I can’t get it out of my mind.
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She had been distant recently but has been working hard.
My wife and brother run a property renovation firm together and her phone rarely leaves her side.
Our sex life hadn’t been so good but I put it down to her being tired.
She was often late home. Then one day my office, where I’m an accountant, had some electrical problems so we were all sent home to work.
My wife’s car was on the drive. When I went inside I could hear movement upstairs, but opening our bedroom door I got the shock of my life to see them entwined.
Even now, months on, it makes me shake with rage.
I have always had a love/hate relationship with my brother but my wife has never seen the bad side of him like I have.
She thinks he’s great but I’ve seen the way he treats women, laying on the charm and lying simply to get them into bed.
Once he’s had them, he discards them.
My wife has apologised and feels stupid for giving in to his charms but I can barely look at her. It’s a mess.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It is a big ask but it is possible to come back from such a catastrophic betrayal.
Many couples can survive this sort of affair and become stronger as a result, but you will have to accept that family life as you know it won’t be the same.
You can start again, by rebuilding your relationship from scratch and resisting the draw of chewing over the past.
For the sake of your little boy, insist on support through a counsellor at Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1975, tavistockrelationships.org).
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? gives more advice.