A drunken night and threesome has made me question everything
DEAR DEIDRE: A drunken night out with my friend led to an unexpected threesome – and now I’m confused about my sexuality.
I’ve never been attracted to another woman in my life but I’ve now discovered that I love having sex with women as well as men.
I’m 31 and my friend is 30. We met through work. Her boyfriend is 29.
We were all at a party last weekend, when I got too drunk to drive home.
My mate said I could stay over at her place, as she lived locally.
So I went back to her flat with the pair of them.
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We carried on drinking there.
The talk turned to sex and porn, and we all watched some adult films together.
Then my mate’s boyfriend started saying his fantasy was to watch his girlfriend and another woman together. He said he didn’t even want to touch — just observe.
I was a little surprised when my friend asked me if I wanted to be that woman.
I think it was the booze — but I agreed.
We all began kissing each other, and then true to his word her boyfriend sat back while me and my friend carried on.
I’d never done anything like that before.
To my surprise, I really enjoyed it.
It was a bit embarrassing the next morning, but we all laughed about it and said we’d keep it between us.
But now my mate has messaged saying her boyfriend would love a repeat performance.
I’m tempted because I did find it a big turn-on, but I don’t know if I should agree. If I say yes, does it mean I’m gay or bi?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Enjoying the physical sensation of having sex with a woman doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay or even bisexual.
Many people like to experiment with different types of sex.
Sometimes it’s the act, rather than the person involved that makes it pleasurable.
Doing something new and “taboo” is a huge turn-on too.
It’s not always helpful to label yourself. Sexuality can be fluid and few people are 100 per cent straight or 100 per cent gay.
If the thought of doing this again makes you feel uncomfortable, why not say thanks but no thanks, and put it down to a one-off experience.
My support packs on Having A Threesome and Bisexual Questions might help you to think through the issues you’re dealing with.
For advice from someone who’ll understand, contact Switchboard LGBT+ (switchboard.lgbt, 0800 0119 100).