Will I ever get over my boyfriend and step sister’s betrayal?
DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE tried hard to move on from my step sister and boyfriend’s betrayal but years on, I continue to be haunted by nightmares of them cheating.
It’s been six years since I discovered their sexual affair, and while I’ve told them I’ve forgiven them, I’ve started to have disturbing dreams about their antics again.
All I want is to be able to let it go, but I can’t get it off my mind.
I’m 34, he’s 36 and we've been together for eight years.
My step sister is 32 and we’ve all been friends since our university days.
I grew suspicious that something was going on about five years ago. Every time we hung out I started to notice them flirting and stealing glances from each other.
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In a moment of weakness, I decided to check his phone and couldn't believe my eyes when I discovered the sexual messages they had been exchanging behind my back.
When I confronted him, he admitted being disloyal and begged for forgiveness.
While it took some time I eventually decided to let it go as they promised me they had only kissed and cuddled.
Over the years we’ve managed to mend our relationships but my mind won’t fully let it go.
Almost every night I wake up in a sweat worried that history is going to repeat itself.
I can’t understand why this is happening. I thought I’d finally moved on.
I’m desperate to speak to my boyfriend about it but I can’t help but feel like I’ll be opening up a can of worms.
Please help.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: While you’ve tried your hardest to move on, it’s likely you’re experiencing these dreams because you still have unresolved feelings about the situation.
In any relationship or friendship, once the trust between you has been broken it can be incredibly hard to rebuild.
Being betrayed can be incredibly hurtful and it can also make you feel very unsafe even years later.
It’s understandable that you’re worried about bringing this up with your partner after all this time.
But as this is unsettling you, ignoring it won’t mean the problem disappears, it will simply fester until it finally bursts to the surface again.
The only way to move forward is to be open and honest. Allow him the opportunity to reassure you and help you resolve these feelings.
I’m sending you my support pack Cheating - Can You Get Over it? to help.