I regret letting a woman I loved slip through my fingers but I fear I may be doing it again
DEAR DEIDRE: ONE of my biggest regrets is letting a woman I really loved slip through my fingers.
And now I’m worried history is repeating itself.
The first woman was my best friend through sixth form and we stayed in touch even after we went to different colleges.
She dropped several hints that she fancied me but stupidly I never made a move.
I think I was worried she’d reject me and then we’d lose our friendship as well.
I was gutted when this bloke appeared out of nowhere and swept her off her feet.
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Within 18 months they were married and I was still single.
Attending her wedding with a smile plastered on my face was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.
Now I’ve got a really lovely friend who had a boyfriend when we met, so in my book even though I thought so much of her, she was most definitely off-limits.
But my mates keep telling me, “If they’re not married, they’re not taken” but I’m not comfortable making a move on someone who’s already in a relationship.
Recently, she and her boyfriend are starting to have problems and I know another male friend of hers is starting to move in.
What should I do? If I don’t express my feelings to this woman it will be too late and I’ll really be kicking myself if I let myself get left behind for a second time.
My ex also cheated on me with another man so I’m also aware of the hurt I could cause to both this woman and her partner. What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry to hear the person you like isn’t available.
It sounds as though the advice you have been given goes against the values you hold within yourself.
When your ex cheated on you, this caused you to experience hurt and grief.
Your trust in your ex was broken and this can have a long-lasting effect.
This is why you feel the advice you have been given is morally wrong.
You know expressing your feelings may cause this girl’s boyfriend to experience similar feelings.
However, despite feeling strongly about the advice your friends shared, you are still questioning yourself.
I wonder if that’s because you are still struggling to recover your confidence after being betrayed in your past relationship.
My support pack Raising Self-esteem will help.