Will my feckless daughter starve if I stop the handouts?
DEAR DEIDRE: When my feckless daughter’s life fell apart I started helping her out with money, but now I’ve realised she is taking advantage.
Everyone is telling me I’m a soft touch and I should stop.
She’s 38. I’m her 65-year-old mum and a pensioner.
A few years ago, she got in with a bad crowd and began drinking and taking drugs.
She ended up breaking up with her partner and losing her home and her job.
Since then, she has been couch-surfing or staying in her car.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the Facebook page or email us at dearde[email protected]
I let her sleep on my sofa for a while, but she can’t move in with me as I only have a small, one-bed flat.
I’ve been lending her money to pay off her debts, as well as for food, bills and clothes.
She now owes me £5,000, which I know I’ll never see again. I’m not wealthy by any means.
My other daughter, who is 40, told me that if I keep helping her she will never get herself back on her feet.
But I worry that if I don’t help, she will literally starve.
She’s bright and used to have a good job as a restaurant manager.
What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s natural to want to help your daughter when she’s in such a mess.
But you are enabling her to continue this pattern. She is relying on your generosity.
Instead, tell her you can’t help with money any more, but will help her to take practical steps to turn her life around.
Give her my support packs Solving Debt Problems and Family Finances.
Suggest she contacts shelter.org.uk (0808 800 4444) for housing advice.
Rather than giving her money for food, invite her for meals.
