Will my secret gym lover ever do the right thing?
DEAR DEIDRE: THE last thing I wanted was to be a homewrecker – but I’m having great sex with a man who is married with two young kids.
I’ve had years of terrible luck with men and so when I met this incredible guy I was gutted to discover he was already taken.
I’m 39, he’s 45 and our affair began 18 months ago when I was his personal trainer.
Working so physically close can be pretty intense and I was delighted when he asked me for a drink after one session.
That was the first time he admitted he had clocked out of his marriage and hadn’t slept with his wife for years.
I knew then we would have sex and just a week later I invited him back to mine.
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Our connection was insane and his passion was so intense. I still get turned on thinking about that night — even months on.
We developed strong feelings for each other and he soon told me he wanted to build a future with me.
He broke the news to her six months ago, and I was so relieved believing we could finally be a normal couple.
Instead, nothing has changed. He insists his wife guilt-tripped him into backtracking because of their kids and has asked for time. Ever since he’s been really struggling with the reality of leaving.
While I understand that this isn’t easy for him, after months of waiting, I’m starting to wonder if he’ll ever find the courage.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s clear that your lover cares for you deeply and wants to build a future with you, but leaving his family is no easy decision.
Ultimately, he has young children to think about and leaving his wife also means changing their entire worlds.
It’s understandable he’s struggling with this.
However, if their marriage is over and he is only staying for the sake of his kids, it will only cause more harm as they will likely sense the tension between their parents.
Tell him to focus on his marriage and work out what he wants but make it clear you cannot be involved unless he leaves.
Perhaps give him a deadline and don’t spend your entire life waiting around.
Tell him to contact Dads Unlimited, (, 01233 680150), a charity supporting dads through family separation.
My support pack, Your Lover Not Free, will also help.