My secret lover accuses me of being heartless when I push him to leave his girlfriend

Fed up and in disbelief that he would ever part from her, I eventually dumped him.

To my shock, two months later he left his wife, got a new flat and moved in with a different woman.

I was heartbroken and felt totally used.

Still, we kept in touch over the next few years with the occasional “hello” messages and a few saucy texts.

A year ago he asked to meet. He said he missed me.

We had a few drinks, nothing more, but then we started messaging to arrange sex.

I decided that as soon as I started to develop feelings for him I would walk away.

But when I did meet him to get physically intimate, all the emotions came flooding back.

Now we meet whenever we can for sex, or just a kiss and a cuddle. He keeps promising me he will leave this other woman but says he can’t just throw her out.

I get so jealous knowing he goes home to her. I want this to work but don’t want to hassle him either.

DEIDRE SAYS: There is a very clear pattern here and you would be wise to scrutinise that.

Having an affair is plagued with problems of trust and insecurity.

Your lover may be telling the truth – that he wants to be with you – but that doesn’t mean he is ready, willing or even able to leave.

My support pack, Your Lover Not Free, explains more. Tell him being casual isn’t your scene.

If he has serious feelings for you he will soon ask for more. If not, move on and find someone who is available and won’t just use you for sex.

From what I can see, this man likes options. He enjoys security at home and sex on tap with you.

You deserve to be more than an option.