I keep fantasising about mother-in-law and worry I will make a move on her
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M worried that there is something seriously wrong with me because, despite being happily married, I can’t stop fancying my mother-in-law.
Whenever I am close to her, my heart rate races and my body tenses up.
My wife and I have been married for five years and I don’t think she suspects a thing.
Before we tied the knot, my mum-in-law was very critical of me but now she is openly affectionate and very tactile.
I’m really concerned that one day I won’t be able to contain myself.
I daydream about kissing her and even having sex with her.
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I’m 35, my wife is 28 and my mum-in-law is in her late forties.
They have a really strong resemblance and from behind it’s impossible for me to tell who is who.
What is going on? I love my wife with every inch of my being.
But recently my mum-in-law has started arguing more with my wife and has even given me affectionate nicknames such as “love” and “darling”.
I’m beginning to wonder if she feels some sort of secret affection towards me and if her feelings might match mine.
What do I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Nothing. Don’t act impulsively, whatever you do, or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.
There’s a high chance that the similarities between your mother-in-law and wife are part of the reason you find them both attractive.
It’s possible that, because you’re taken, your feelings are intensified.
We can feel attracted to other people when we’re in happy relationships, and not act on this.
You must accept you are not available – any other course would be catastrophic for your marriage, as well as for your wife’s relationship with her mother.
You didn’t mention if you and your wife have any children but acting on these feelings would also make things extremely complicated and confusing for them.
You also stated that your once- argumentative mum-in-law doesn’t row with you now that you’re married.
Try not to read too much into this as it’s possible she doesn’t want to rock the boat and cause any tension between you and her daughter now that you’re wed.
She may also feel a rivalry towards her daughter, which isn’t un-common.
This might explain why she is arguing with your wife, but is being polite to you.
