How do I help my daughter who has gone off the rails
DEAR DEIDRE: Since my 16-year-old daughter moved back in with her mum she has gone completely off the rails.
I’m her 47-year-old dad and I am really worried about her. Her mum, who is 45, is also at a loss for what to do.
Since we divorced five years ago we’ve always managed to co-parent her well and have never had any problems.
However, when she moved in with my ex to be closer to her new college, things rapidly spiralled out of control.
When she started her new course she quickly fell into the wrong crowd and started hanging around with other teens who drank and smoked.
While at first we were concerned, we assumed it was a phase she’d grow out of, but we were quickly proven wrong.
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One day when her mum was cleaning her room she discovered a stash of weed hidden in her drawer.
As soon as she found out that we knew, she ran away and hasn’t returned home since.
Now neither me nor my ex know where she is living and she’s refusing to answer any of our calls.
We’re worried sick about her and are at a loss for what to do. All I want to know is if she’s safe.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Once a young person reaches 16 they can leave home without their parents’ consent.
However, you are still responsible for her well-being until she turns 18.
While you can’t control where she lives, you can keep trying to get through to her.
Whether it’s on call or text, instead of being angry, try to explain you’re worried about her and show her how much you care.
Don’t give up on her and I’m sure over time she will return home.
Try to make it a conversation so she is part of the solution, rather than on the receiving end of rules and directives.
Advise her to talk to The Mix, which helps under-25s with any problem (themix.org.uk, 0808 808 4994).
Contact familylives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222, for further advice and read my support pack Troubles With Teenagers.
