Have I done the right thing by cutting my cruel mother out of my life?
DEAR DEIDRE: Have I done the right thing by cutting my cruel mother out of my life forever?
She made my childhood a misery and has treated me appallingly as an adult too.
I’m 45 and my mother is 75.
For the whole of my childhood I was criticised and emotionally abused by her. She told me I was stupid, ugly, that nobody would ever want me and I’d never amount to anything.
I escaped by getting pregnant at 18 and leaving home.
I then had a series of abusive relationships. When one of my ex partners beat me, making me lose the baby I was 30 weeks pregnant with, my mother had no sympathy.
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I stopped speaking to her after that.
Then my father died and she begged me to forgive her. She wore me down until I agreed to let her back into my life.
It wasn't long before the nastiness and put-downs started again. I put up with them.
But when my eldest son died from a drug overdose, earlier this year, my mother’s reaction was to blame him. She said ‘He got what he deserved.’
I was so shocked, I couldn’t speak to her.
Now, I’ve realised that she is beyond redemption. I have sent her a letter saying I want nothing more to do with her. Never again.
But I feel so guilty. She’s getting old and frail.
Am I wrong to cut ties?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your mother is nasty and abusive, and has been throughout your life.
You’ve suffered some unbearable losses, and she’s been vile.
You’re her daughter, not her punchbag, and you need love and support.
Sometimes, cutting someone out of your life is the best thing for your mental health.
Don’t feel guilty. She has proven she doesn’t deserve your loyalty.
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For bereavement help and counselling, see my Bereavement support pack.
Contact Standalone () which supports adults estranged from family members.
