Jump directly to the content
Dear Deidre

Husband’s vicious ex destroyed everything in one phone call.

DEAR DEIDRE: The last thing I expected as I packed the final items in our suitcase, was a nasty call from my husband’s secret lover, spilling the beans on their sexual affair.

She told me they had been together for eight years and met up regularly at her flat for ‘food and fun’. 

They met years ago at the local golf club and he’d been using his regular golf round as cover for secret sex ever since.

I don’t know how I’ve managed it, but somehow I’ve kept my composure, although my husband does keep asking if I’m okay.

I am 44 and my husband is 45. We have been married for 20 years and have just returned from a big trip to the Maldives to celebrate this milestone anniversary. 

This woman who said she is 38 apparently lives locally. She’d decided to tell me everything after he stood her up and then started making excuses about why he couldn’t meet. 

Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team

Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.

Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.

You can also send a private message on the Facebook page.

She had the audacity to say ‘he won’t get away with disrespecting her’.

I never ever thought my husband would cheat on me. He is not the most discreet person so how he managed to keep this hushed up is beyond me.

I doubt he would have ever told me. I thought my relationship was good. We never argued and always laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. 

I can’t trust him again. I know I’ll be constantly wondering if he’d ever cheat again. I can’t help but think my relationship with him was just one big lie.

MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE

DEIDRE SAYS: This woman was hurt - by the sounds of it because your husband was pulling away from her - and she’s inflicted maximum damage on you. She’s out for revenge.

She wants to create conflict for you, thinking he will go back to her, or to break you up as a couple.

People do cheat, even on partners they love deeply, for a variety of reasons. But your husband is still with you. Perhaps your anniversary has prompted a wake up call for him.

If you want to stay with him and be happy, then you must work on rebuilding trust.

Tell him you want to get through this but it will take hard work on both sides. 

He needs to be honest about the reasons he strayed so that you can work out if there are realistic changes you can both make to rebuild your marriage. My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help.

Topics