I can’t stop drinking since my husband died of cancer a year ago
DEAR DEIDRE: I KNOW I need to stop drinking but don’t feel strong enough to go sober.
I have been living with grief ever since my husband died a year ago.
Alcohol is the only thing that numbs the pain.
I’m 38. My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer, which devastated us. He was 42.
I got through the shock of the early days and the funeral, as friends and family rallied round, but eventually they went back to their own lives.
Six months ago I had a day when I just drank and drank.
I only usually drink socially and even then only a glass or two. I am now drinking up to two bottles of wine a night.
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I realise I am a functional alcoholic. I can’t seem to stop myself and, truth be told, I don’t want to.
I was coping well but now just feel utter despair.
I feel so ashamed of how I am living but can’t tell anyone.
I wouldn’t know where to start. Most days I just want to close my eyes and never wake up.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s important to fully grieve the loss of your husband, as hard as that is.
Drinking heavily every night may numb your pain temporarily but it won’t help you to heal.
Alcohol and grieving do not mix but you have nothing to feel ashamed about, you are only trying to cope with all the sadness.
You are depressed so talk to your GP and talk through your feelings with a bereavement counsellor at sueryder.org (0808 164 4572), which offers six weeks’ free counselling.
