My wife and I rarely spend time together and I am considering leaving her
DEAR DEIDRE: DESPITE being married for 21 years, my wife and I have always had different interests.
But there is now a huge void between us and I am considering leaving her.
We have grown apart to the point where we are polar opposites with nothing in common.
Our children have grown older, meaning there is even less to share than before.
My wife is an extrovert, she enjoys socialising over a drink and puts everyone before herself.
I’m the complete opposite, a homebody, relaxed and prefer staying in.
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When it comes to pleasing others, I’m much more balanced which my wife says is selfish.
Staying with her feels like the safe option, but I know I am accepting an average marriage.
However, my heart tells me I would be happier if I left and found someone who was more suited to me.
I can tell my wife is becoming frustrated with our differences as well.
I think she would be happier with someone more sociable who wanted to party like her.
Should I leave our marriage and give both of us the chance to meet someone else, regardless of the emotional and financial impact?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You both sound lonely and clearly do very little together, which is a common pattern for couples when children grow up and leave home.
But after 21 years, it would be a shame to throw your marriage away without trying to reconnect.
What was it that originally drew you to one another?
Could you suggest some days out together or perhaps taking up a new interest with each other.
Your wife may be going out because she feels lonely at home with you – especially if neither of you are making time for one another.
Explain that you feel things aren’t good between you and that you want to improve your relationship.
Some honest discussions might be the key to unlocking a closer relationship, and if you still think you need help, suggest counselling.
Even if you decide it is time to separate, a counsellor will help you take those steps with dignity and compassion.
My support packs How To Look After Your Relationship and Thinking About Counselling explain more.
A good relationship or marriage is about compromise, so what can you do to pull together a little more?
