How can I get my mum out of a care home?
DEAR DEIDRE: Social services forced my mum into a care home against her wishes, and now I can’t get her out.
I want her home with me, but nobody is listening.
She is 80 and I’m her 54-year-old son. My dad died five years ago, and since then she had been living alone. I visited regularly.
After she accidentally left a pan on the stove one day, causing a small fire, social services decided she no longer had capacity.
But she is still herself. She can read, write and talk.
They said she had to go into care. I argued that I would care for her at home, but nobody will listen.
Every time I go to see her, she gets upset and cries that she can’t come home with me. She hates it there and I can’t stand seeing her so unhappy.
Sometimes, she accuses me of abandoning her. That really hurts.
I am perfectly capable of looking after her.
In fact, I’d care for her a lot better than they do in the home, where the staff come across as cold and are always rushed.
Short of breaking her out in the middle of the night, what can I do?
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DEIDRE SAYS: She says you have abandoned her because she is upset and confused. Please don’t blame yourself.
Social services can’t force someone into a care home if they are capable of making their own decisions.
It’s possible she was sectioned under the Mental Health Act because they felt she was a danger to herself.
Contact carersuk.org (0808 808 7777) for advice and information.
They may be able to help you challenge the decision.
It’s also worth talking to her GP to see why this has happened.
