I went back to my husband but I’m still sleeping with my fling
DEAR DEIDRE: Guilt made me return to my husband, but I’m still sneaking off for hot sex with my lover whenever I can get away with it.
My husband thinks I’ve ended my affair but love and lust keep my waking thoughts completely with the other man.
I am 38 and my husband is 39. We’ve been married for six years. Our relationship is decent but my heart isn’t in it any more.
He knows all about my affair, after all I left him for three months. I wasn’t proud of it but I totally broke his heart.
Things unravelled for us when I saw an ex at a college reunion. We had been together for three years but split up when he moved away.
There was instant sexual tension between us at the reunion and I couldn’t resist giving him a passionate kiss at the end of the night.
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It wasn’t long before we began our affair and I fell hard for him.
He told me he felt the same. After a few months I couldn’t keep up the pretence at home so I left my husband.
He was distraught and kept on begging and pleading with me to come home.
The guilt was overwhelming and ruined my affair with my ex. I felt I had no choice other than return to my husband but I know I have made the wrong decision.
So my question is: Should I stay with my husband, who I know will love me forever, or should I leave him once and for all?
My ex says it will take time for him to recover from the hurt I caused when I returned to my husband.
My head says I can make it work with both, but my heart is in love with my ex.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You can’t have both, that’s for sure.
Staying with your husband when your heart isn’t in it is unfair.
Ultimately your husband is the one you made a vow to, and you owe it to him to work on your marriage before deciding to end it.
Put your energies into starting over. It is possible to fall back in love.
Things with your ex will have felt exciting but that initial sexual attraction doesn’t necessarily translate into a lasting relationship.
My support pack Torn Between Two Men will help you to think this through.