Am I betraying my wife who has dementia by falling in love?
DEAR DEIDRE: An old friend and I have fallen in love but we both feel too much guilt over my sick wife to be together.
My wife of 33 years is in a care home with dementia. She no longer recognises me.
I’m a 70-year-old man and my friend is 68. My wife is 72.
She got dementia young, and I cared for her at home for years until she needed to go into a home.
After she left, I was very lonely. A woman I used to work with happened to get back in touch and we started chatting.
Over the past few months, we’ve grown close. Recently, we’ve ended up kissing and cuddling, although we haven’t had sex.
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She is widowed and has told me she has feelings for me, but she can’t be with me while my wife is still alive.
I do love my wife, but I feel I deserve to find some happiness while I still can.
I’ll never stop visiting my wife, even if she doesn’t know who I am, but we no longer have a “marriage”.
Yet I feel so guilty. What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You have no reason to feel guilty. You clearly love your wife and have been dedicated to her.
But you took marriage vows, which meant something to you, and it’s therefore natural that you feel conflicted.
Tell your friend how you feel. Perhaps she’s worried about what people will think.
Discuss whether you could have a relationship behind closed doors, or if you should just be good friends for now.
For advice and support, contact Alzheimer’s Society (alzheimers.org.uk, 0333 150 3456).