Becoming a sperm donor seemed so simple but things have got complex
DEAR DEIDRE: I was meant to be nothing more than a sperm donor but, seven years on, something has changed and I’m desperate to meet my biological son.
This isn’t the agreement I signed up for, but as I’ve grown older I’ve realised I’m unlikely to have any other children and really want to be involved in his life. Sadly, his mum refuses to consider this.
I’m a single 45-year-old man and have a lot of love to give.
When I was let go from my job years ago I found myself financially struggling.
So when a friend suggested sperm donation as a way to make money I couldn’t see a problem, it was a way to pay my bills.
He sent me a link to the site that he’d successfully used and I quickly received a message from a single woman.
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She offered me £650 for a single sperm donation.
I put my sample in a pot then met her in a cafe in town to exchange it for her money.
We only met briefly.
We both live in the same city, but in different areas.
I saw her months later looking visibly pregnant but when I approached to congratulate her, she looked uncomfortable and couldn’t get away fast enough.
Walking away I felt a strange sense of regret, it hit me that I would know very little about my child but I pushed it aside.
Now, seven years later, I find myself thinking about my son daily.
I’ve tried to reach out to his mother but she told me I had no place in his life.
What can I do? I’m desperate.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: If this woman is a single parent or in a same-sex couple, the law currently considers you – the sperm donor and biological parent – as the legal parent of this child.
But before you steamroller your way into their lives, I would urge you to think carefully about what is best for this young boy.
I understand you have strong feelings and are desperate to be involved but take a step back and talk to Families Need Fathers (fnf.org.uk, 0300 0300 363) about the practicalities and emotional implications for all three of you.
As this mum seems unlikely to welcome your involvement, unless your name is on the birth certificate, it will be very difficult to prove parentage and you are likely to need to go to court.
Talking to a trained therapist would help you, and my support pack on Counselling explains more.