My wife blindsided me by suddenly leaving with my kids
DEAR DEIDRE: When my wife left me and took our two children with her, I was blindsided.
She said she had been feeling trapped and depressed for years.
But I had no idea she was unhappy and would have tried harder if I’d known.
I’m 44 and she’s 42. Our children are 12 and ten. We have been married for 15 years, and I thought we were happy together.
Sure, we had problems like all couples and we hadn’t had sex for several months.
But she just got up one morning, said she was leaving and would be staying with her sister.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the Facebook page.
I begged her to stay and talk it through but she said she had finally made her mind up that our marriage was over.
I am in shock. I feel like my whole world has crumbled under my feet.
My wife doesn’t even want to talk to me now. She just says she needs time and space and that I shouldn’t message.
I desperately want her to come back so we can work on our marriage.
I don’t know how to change her mind. I feel totally lost without her and I miss my kids so much.
What can I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife should have talked about her feelings, but maybe couldn’t.
Depression can make people withdraw. This isn’t your fault but I wonder if there were signs you didn’t pick up on, such as no interest in sex.
Agree to give her space, but say you need to arrange a time to talk.
It’s important you continue to see your children for their sake as well as yours. Ask if access arrangements can be made.
Contact Dads Unlimited (dadsunltd.org.uk, 01233 680150), who help fathers through family separation. Think about counselling too. See my support pack about this.
