I’m scared to strip off for my husband after putting on the pounds
DEAR DEIDRE: LIKE most of my friends, I’ve slowly piled on the pounds over the years and must now be four or five sizes bigger than when I was in my twenties.
The only difference is, my friends are still with the same partner, while I am divorced.
I’m 41 and have now met someone, who is lovely.
We get on so well that he has started to ask if he can come over to spend the night with me soon.
There is nothing I would like more than to have sex with him – but I’m so scared of stripping in front of him.
After all, I’ve had three children and the pregnancies have taken their toll on my body.
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We’ve had some lovely dates but he doesn’t realise I can hardly breathe – underneath my outfits are two layers of control underwear.
Ever since meeting him I’ve been really motivated to get back into shape but I’m nowhere near fighting weight.
He’s 40 and made a move on me last week but I pushed him away because I feel too big.
I’m a size 18 and have started going to the gym twice a week. I’ve started to shift the pounds but it’s proving a slow burn.
I have hinted that I don’t feel confident.
He says it doesn’t matter what I look like and that he loves me exactly how I am.
But I’m scared he’ll look elsewhere for sex if I can’t sort this out.
I’m not sure I can lose weight quickly enough.
READ MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You need to hear something more positive than, “It doesn’t matter how you look”.
You need to hear that you’re luscious and desirable.
But if he wants to have sex with you, it’s clearly true.
Instead of focusing on losing weight, think about getting stronger and fitter – it will help you feel far more empowered.
Then any weight loss is a bonus.
My support pack End Weight Worries explains how to start eating healthily without going hungry and how to incorporate exercise into your routine.
A half-hour brisk walk every day on the way to work would be a great start.
Try having sex with the lights off to begin with, until you feel more confident.
My support pack Reviving A Woman’s Sex Drive will help too.
