How do I help my Mum who’s struggling to care for my Dad?
DEAR DEIDRE: When I spoke to my mother on the phone, she talked about “ending it all”.
She isn’t coping with my father. Dad is 83 and has dementia.
He is very stubborn and won’t have anyone else in the house to look after him. He needs attention and can’t walk without help, and has frequent falls.
Mum, who is 80, can’t even have a phone call without him demanding to know who she is talking to. He insists the speaker is on so he can hear. If she tries to talk to me privately, he can get abusive.
She managed to talk to me when Dad was asleep and she was crying down the phone. I’m so worried.
I’m their son, 52. I live 100 miles away so can’t drop everything and be there. I don’t know how best to help.
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DEIDRE SAYS: She needs some emotional support – so if you can visit regularly to give her practical help, she will feel the benefits.
She can also talk to The Silver Line (thesilverline.org.uk, 0800 470 80 90) who chat to people aged over 55 at any time, day or night.
Your father can get some respite care, so you can broach the subject and explain to him that your mother is not coping.
You can get great support through Dementia UK (dementiauk.org, 0800 888 6678) which is a charity offering specialist one-to-one expert advice through its free helpline and Admiral Nurses.
