I am living an X-rated double life with rich married man and I feel so cheap
DEAR DEIDRE: I AM living an X-rated secret life with a much older married man, and while I love his pampering, I feel that I’ve cheapened myself.
I’m 39 and separated, with two teenage children. My husband was a serial cheat, who always had his eye on his next fling.
Eventually he left me for a woman ten years younger.
My children are my life but I have become so lonely.
I lead a breakfast and afterschool club for a primary school but the days are long in between.
I met my fling when I went for a new job, which I didn’t get.
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He would have been my boss and called me up personally afterwards to say he was very impressed by me.
He flattered me by saying that he’d love to mentor me and help me find another role.
He’s 59 and old enough to be my dad but still I was craving a confidence boost, so we met up.
After a couple of drinks he put his hands on my leg under the table — and everything fell into place.
I realised what he meant by “mentoring me”.
Still, I liked his company and his flattery, and he offered to buy me dinner.
It was the most exciting thing I’d done in months.
We went out to a smart restaurant and afterwards had sex in his luxury car.
Since then we meet at least once a week. We swap suggestive texts and sometimes meet for dirty sex in posh hotels.
He is very adventurous in bed but I’ve started to feel pretty used and abused after we meet up.
We lead very different lives. He is a successful businessman with a large house and an expensive car.
His wife runs her own firm and they don’t have children. In contrast I live on a rough estate.
I know I should stop this but I’m addicted to him.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband’s shoddy treatment has damaged your confidence and now this man is using you.
The control you have over him when you’re together makes you feel empowered but in reality he is controlling you.
He is buying your time by paying for gifts and everything else and expects you to be available for sex when it suits him.
This affair lifts your boredom and leaves you feeling soiled, but still you keep going back for more, which is typical of addiction.
Go cold turkey – stop meeting him and delete his number.
Instead, build up a social life and look for a man to respect and love you.
I’m sending you my leaflets on Sex Addiction and Getting A Great Social Life.
Build up your confidence again by taking up a new interest that you enjoy. You’re likely to meet like-minded people that way too.
