I pushed my husband away and now I drown my sorrows with alcohol
DEAR DEIDRE: MY second marriage has imploded because I couldn’t trust my husband.
Now I drink a bottle of wine alone every night mulling over whether I was the cause of our problems or whether I was right to doubt him.
I’d love to meet someone else to stop the pain, but who would look at me while I’m such a mess?
I’m 47 and my ex is 43. He brought such a kind and calming nature.
He moved in quickly and we got married after dating for a year.
It was honestly the happiest time of my life.
But then my older sisters started saying negative things about him – like he was using me to get on the housing ladder.
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They planted the seed of doubt in my head.
From then on whenever he went to meet a friend, his family, or was at work for longer than normal I felt convinced he was cheating on me.
I regularly asked if he was going behind my back and his answer was always the same, “Why would I cheat on you, you are my life?”
But eventually I think I wore him down. He started to tell me I was pushing him away.
One night he didn’t come home – he said he’d got too drunk and stayed with a friend.
When he eventually returned home I was so upset I could hardly breathe.
He said he’d had enough. He left me that day.
He says he still wants to be friends with me, but I’m finding it really hard. It is so painful.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Trust is the key issue and I suspect you have been let down in the past which has damaged your ability to believe in any partner.
I would be wary of trying to stay friends with your ex as the relationship is so difficult for you.
You need to put yourself first now and focus on building your own confidence.
It’s important to fully grieve the end of your marriage and as hard as that is don’t hide from it.
Drinking heavily every night may numb your hurt in the short term but it won’t help you to face uncomfortable truths and heal.
You will in time get there but don’t rush the process.
My support packs, Moving On and Problem Drinker?, should help you.
