My married ex-lover is pregnant and won’t let me see baby even if it is mine

DEAR DEIDRE: WATCHING everyone fuss over my ex-lover’s ever-growing bump is torture – because nobody realises the baby could be mine.

I’m 31 and single and she’s 32 and married. This will be her first child.

She joined the firm I work for a year ago and I was instantly drawn to her and delighted when she began flirting with me.

We started going for drinks which ultimately developed into the hottest of affairs.

I thought we were falling for each other and began to hope she’d leave her husband for me.

Then four weeks ago she told me she was expecting.

I was excited thinking this could be the push we needed to make our relationship official.

But she said she’d checked the dates and either of us could be the dad.

She went on to tell me her husband had been so excited with the news that she realised she needed to make a go of her marriage and she ended our affair.

She told me the whole incident has made her realise how much she loves her husband.

This is so hurtful. It feels as if I’ve been completely shut out and no one is considering me.

In a row I threatened to tell her husband about me but she said that either way, whether the baby is mine or not, she’ll make sure I have nothing to do with the child.

She refuses a DNA test and has even instructed that I cease all contact with her — unless it is for work purposes.

I don’t want to make things difficult but she is acting so selfishly.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions and I can well understand your desire to establish the paternity of the baby, and potentially to be involved in that child’s life.

But considering your ex’s stance, things are likely to get ugly if you pursue a test.

As difficult as it will be, try to take a step back. If your ex plans to name her husband as the father on the birth certificate and refuses a DNA test, you would need a court order to get one done – that’s not easily obtained.

Before you go into battle, think about what is best for this baby.

Usually it is ideal for a child to know the truth about their parentage but the dad is very likely to be your ex’s husband, and demanding a test would put her marriage under huge strain.

Even if the child is yours, she’s not going to get back with you and could make it very hard for you to build a relationship with the child.

You will be happier if you can move on and look for a relationship with someone single, where you will not encounter such complications.