I don’t know where I stand with my new lover – she’s giving me mixed messages
DEAR DEIDRE: THE woman I was involved with is really confusing me.
One minute she wants me, I’m her soulmate and the love of her life – the next she ignores me.
I’m 37, she is 38 and has two children.
Our relationship was good at first, despite sneaking around because of her possessive ex.
He’s not someone you would want to get on the wrong side of.
Initially it played out as a “friends with benefits” arrangement and seemed to depend on whether her ex was around.
It wasn’t working for me, so I took a step back.
She quickly stopped seeing or talking to me, so I cut her off, blocking her on social media.
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A few months later, she contacted me through a friend and we reconciled, but again it was very casual.
Second time around, it felt more than ever that we were only going through the motions and I decided our time was up.
When I finished it, she announced straight away she’d met someone else.
It genuinely wasn’t a problem for me, but I told her I didn’t want any more contact.
Now she’s messaging to say I am one of the most important people in her life, that she wants me as a friend – and that if anything happens, it happens.
Yet this new guy stayed over at her house, a privilege I was never afforded.
I’m so confused.
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m not surprised.
You are not to blame for her confusing messages. It sounds as though she has a lot to work out.
She may have been keeping you at arm’s length because she doesn’t want to commit, especially if her ex was abusive.
She sounded keen but then sabotaged the relationship by shying away from closeness and intimacy.
It may not feel like it, but you really have had a lucky escape.
My support pack Mend Your Broken Heart will help you to move on from her.
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