My love rat husband can’t handle the new me
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband cried and begged forgiveness when I first discovered he had been cheating.
But now his affairs have hit double figures, he no longer seems to care about betraying me.
It’s finally dawned on me that the answer is for him to move out. The problem is, he won’t budge.
I am 48, my husband is 51, and we’ve been married for 16 years.
We have three children aged 13, nine and six.
He’s always been a Peter Pan-type character, desperately trying to live in the past.
He’s been a great dad but an absolutely awful husband.
His head is so easily turned and it’s humiliating how he talks about other women — even in front of me.
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Early on in our marriage he would try to keep his infidelities a secret, but over time his cheating has become more brazen.
The first time he left us for one of his mistresses was more than a decade ago.
He moved out for a few weeks but was soon begging me to take him back. I thought he was genuine.
I agreed to give him another chance but this pattern continued throughout our marriage.
He’d leave and then I’d take him back over and over. He’s had a number of mistresses and several flings — the most painful was with a female cousin of mine.
They started flirting at our grandmother’s wake, in front of all my family.
Now I’ve had a proper lightbulb moment and realise he’s not going to change.
I want to enjoy the rest of my life and that, for me, means him leaving. But he won’t go.
Our children love him but I feel angry and resentful. How do I get him out?
We have no mortgage.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Divorce is never easy.
You have given your husband multiple chances that he’s thrown in your face.
He can still be a dad to his kids, even if you are apart.
Children growing up in unhappy homes pick up on misery and often lack confidence and are uncertain in themselves.
Splitting up can offer far better outcomes for them.
Read my support pack, Thinking Of Divorce?
You can ask your husband to move out, but he cannot be forced to leave his family home unless there is a safety risk such as domestic violence.
Relationship counselling would help.
Try , who can point you to a reputable therapist.
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