I’m scared history might be repeating itself with my new partner
DEAR DEIDRE: MY family didn’t approve when I started dating a man ten years my junior shortly after my husband died.
They told me it was too soon and this man was only using me for sex.
But the truth is, I needed that physical touch and intimacy just as much as him.
When my husband died of heart disease my whole life was turned upside down.
He’d been suffering from erectile dysfunction but refused to get it checked out. I’d begged him to see our doctor as our sex life had all but dried up but he was too embarrassed.
The last thing I wanted was to be alone again, so I turned to a younger man for much-needed attention. And our relationship has only got stronger over the years, but now I’m worried history is repeating itself.
I’m 56, my boyfriend is 46 and we’ve been together for three years.
Meeting him felt like a light at the end of a very dark tunnel and he made me feel alive again. But as soon as he started struggling to get erections, anxiety has plagued me.
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I lost my late husband when he was 57, after 30 amazing years together.
It turned out his erectile dysfunction was linked to what killed him, and now I have a terrible feeling the same thing is happening again, with my boyfriend refusing to see the doctor.
He says I’m overreacting and that it’ll “‘sort itself out on its own”. It’s been four months without any sex and, while I miss it, I’m more worried about his health.
How can he have such little regard for my feelings?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Losing your husband must have been devastating, so it’s completely understandable that you’re worried history is repeating itself.
Erectile dysfunction can be caused by a number of things, such as stress, anxiety, tiredness or drinking too much alcohol.
I’m sending you my support pack Solving Erection Problems, which will be useful for you both to read.
Your boyfriend could be right and the issue could sort itself out, but it would be far better to rule out any health issues.
A good indicator is early-morning erections. If he’s still getting these then the issue is psychological.
If not, it’s crucial he sees a medic.
Assure him that these cases are a daily occurrence for medical staff and there is no need to be embarrassed.
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