I lied to my girlfriend about having a vasectomy – now she’s pregnant
DEAR DEIDRE: MY lies are catching up with me. I told my fiancée I’d had a vasectomy. It was a lie and now she’s pregnant – and furious.
I’m 37 and I have two kids from a previous relationship. My fiancée is 31. I’m ashamed to say, I’ve lied all of my life.
My mum was a pathological liar. She’d tell my dad we needed food and she’d spend the cash on alcohol.
She was often too hungover to get me ready for school so I’d lie and say I was sick — often for weeks.
At school I’d lie about having the latest bike or trainers for Christmas. Or I’d tell Mum I was top of my class. I even got my job through lying on my CV.
My marriage fell apart but I still see my two boys three times a week.
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I met my girlfriend at work. She’s an account manager and she’s gorgeous. We moved in together last year.
She’s 31 and going places career-wise so she doesn’t want kids but she loves my two.
Our sex life is good except that she can’t take the Pill. I told her I’d had the snip because I hate wearing condoms.
I’ve always been careful. I know when her cycle is so I always feign tiredness or make an excuse to not be in the mood when I think she is fertile.
Yesterday I got in from work to see her sitting in the kitchen in tears. She had a positive pregnancy test in her hands.
I’ve now told her another lie — that my vasectomy couldn’t have worked. I don’t think she believes me. I’ve got to stop this, but how?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Be honest with her right now and apologise wholeheartedly.
She’s the one who has to decide if she’s going ahead with the pregnancy. What you did was cruel and heartless.
Using no contraception was never going to be reliable. Even the most careful of couples have been caught out. My Unplanned Pregnancy support pack will show her where to find help.
You had a rough childhood but lying needn’t be a way of life. Try being honest with friends and family and my guess is, they will still love you.
Lying may be convenient in the short term but over time people will learn they can’t trust you.
Some counselling through the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy would help (, 01455 883300).
