My family expect me to care for my elderly mother with Parkinson’s – I’m feeling stressed and confused
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my elderly mother became seriously ill with Parkinson’s disease, my dad put me under pressure to give up my job so I could help care for her.
Now he expects me to sell my flat and move back to my home town.
But I can’t afford to buy anything there.
I’m 48 and my mum is 82. Dad is 81 and finds it hard to cope.
I was happy to help look after Mum, whom I love very much, a few days a week. I don’t want to see her in a care home.
But now I have no money and can’t get another full-time job, as caring takes up so much of my time.
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Dad says it is my own fault.
He denies making me quit my job, and says I should never have moved away in the first place.
My brother, who is married with kids, isn’t expected to uproot his life to help.
Yet I am, just because I’m a woman, and I am single.
I’m feeling stressed, confused and guilty.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s admirable you want to help care for her, but her entire care isn’t your responsibility.
There are people who can help your dad and are specialists in caring for someone with your mum’s condition.
Talk with Parkinson’s UK (parkinsons.org.uk, 0808 800 0303) about what sort of support is available.
My support pack, Help For Carers, contains additional sources of assistance.
Talk to your dad about getting carers in to help, which will be better for everyone, your mum included.
My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help you talk to him.
