I thought I was enough for my girlfriend but she wants to bring other women into our love life
DEAR DEIDRE: I THOUGHT I was enough for my girlfriend because we have such intense sex, yet she wants to bring other women into our love life.
I’m a female of 32 and my partner is a 27-year-old bar worker in a lap-dancing club.
She’s always known she is gay, but I’d only ever dated men until I met her. She would pop into the bakery where I work most afternoons and we got chatting.
We really connected over our love of R&B music. She asked me for my phone and put her number in it.
I messaged her the following Sunday morning and we went for a walk. When we got back to my flat, she kissed me and I was shocked.
I thought we were friends. I’d only been with men before, but her tenderness took my breath away.
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The second time we met, we had beautiful sex. She moved in within two months but made it clear she wanted an open relationship as she loved other women too. I was OK with that as the whole situation was new to me.
She kept asking me to have a threesome, but I wasn’t keen.
She knew how I felt about it, yet after six months together she came home late from work and I could hear voices in the kitchen. Next she sent a young woman through to my bedroom to ask me to join them in group sex.
I felt that I didn’t really have any choice and, when I went through, there were two other women there, both in their early twenties.
I complied but I didn’t enjoy it. I’m not sure whether she will want it to happen again.
My girlfriend keeps telling me it was a turn-on, but I don’t want a repeat — nor do I want to lose her.
READ MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your girlfriend wants to keep things fluid but you would prefer a monogamous relationship.
If you both want different things, it’s not going to work in the long-term.
My support packs on Threesomes and How To Look After Your Relationship may help you find areas where you can compromise.
Find a quiet moment to have a talk to her about whether she sees you in her future.
If she does, ask whether she would be prepared to forgo the open relationship.
I’m afraid if her answer is no, then you may have to accept that she isn’t the one for you.
