My wife is a serial cheat but tells me that I’m the one who is deluded
DEAR DEIDRE: THROUGHOUT our marriage, I have watched my wife flirt and be unfaithful with other guys right before my eyes.
I know she is a serial cheat but she says I’m deluded.
We’ve been together for 16 years and at first, it was great. We couldn’t keep our hands off one another. She was obsessed with me and the feeling was mutual.
Fairly quickly, our relationship changed. She threw herself into her job as a barber and always seemed to be the one “working late”.
She spent a fortune on clothes and would go to work looking as if she was having a night out, not cutting hair in a sweaty shop.
I went to pick her up one night as it was snowing, and I saw her walk out of the place with a guy who gave her more than a wave goodbye.
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He kissed her fully on the mouth and had his hands on her bottom.
Next, her ex-boyfriend turned up at our door demanding to see her.
She wasn’t there and he warned me she was trouble, showing me texts where she’d asked for a repeat of their “sex sessions”.
He didn’t know she was married as she’d never told him. He was visibly shocked when I told him who I was. She then started meeting guys after work.
I’ve seen them — horrid men who would make me feel vile.
It’s sickening to think of them using her like that, these older guys who were creepy and just out for one thing.
I would confront her, but she would insist I was imagining things.
Then each time I said I was leaving, she’d cry and beg me to stay. I couldn’t bear to see her upset.
She’s still cheating but says that I’m a fool for believing lies. We are both 40 now. I love her but I’m wasting my time.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Yes, and you deserve better. You have witnessed these men coming on to her and she’s denying it. This is gaslighting at its best.
What’s sad is that she has low self- esteem. My guess is this comes from a cold background where she never felt valued. She craves attention and gets it at work.
Underneath it all, she wants to be desired, mistaking sex for love.
You love her but she wants the thrill of the chase, which disappears once the honeymoon period is over. If she wants you to stay, insist on couples counselling.
You can find great help through Tavistock Relationships, (tavistock , 020 7380 1975).
