Husband’s strict rules for our teenage daughters are causing big rows
DEAR DEIDRE: THERE are endless rows in our home because my husband won’t allow our two eldest girls to grow up.
They still have to be in by 9pm, they aren’t allowed to have their ears pierced, to wear crop tops, hot pants or even have boyfriends.
I am 39, my husband is 44 and we have three girls aged 17, 15 and 13.
My eldest has been with her boyfriend for a year, but she can’t be honest with her dad and says he’s just a mate.
Still, she’s never allowed to stay out late with him.
She’s not allowed to go anywhere her father doesn’t know about and approve of.
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If our 15-year-old wants to stay over at a friend’s house he always manages to stop her going.
But she’s more argumentative than her older sister and really kicks off when her dad tells her she can’t go out.
I’m worried they will both go off the rails because they aren’t being allowed any independence.
I’ve split up with him once over this because I think he’s wrong, but he says he can’t let go.
I’ve told him the girls will end up hating him and they will walk out.
I am stuck in the middle and I’ve had enough.
DEIDRE SAYS: You are right. Whatever his reasons for being so strict, it’s going to have the reverse effect of what he’s hoping for.
He will push them away, just as his attitude is already driving you away.
You are an equal parent and have just as much right as him to set the boundaries for your girls.
The real argument is between the two of you.
Tell him he is going to lose you unless he calmly negotiates with you what limits you are going to set together for your daughters.
Then you two can present a united front to your children – which is what they really need.
Letting go of our children can be really hard, but they do need the space to make their own decisions and even mistakes.
This is the only way they will learn about the sort of person they want to grow into.
You can find understanding guidance through Family Lives (, 0808 800 2222).
