No-strings lover filmed us having sex and showed his mates – is this revenge porn?
DEAR DEIDRE: MY no-strings lover secretly filmed us having sex and then showed his mates.
I’m gutted but he says I should feel flattered.
I am 24 and he is 26. I was so happy when he started flirting with me as I’d fancied him for years but always thought he was out of my league. Plus, he always had a girlfriend on the go.
One night, I bumped into him when out and he kept telling me how amazing I looked.
Then he just came out with it and said he couldn’t resist me and asked if I would go home with him for sex.
I knew he had a girlfriend and he made it clear he was only looking for us to go to bed together, but I’m ashamed to say I was happy that he wanted me.
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We did have incredible sex and he was very vocal, which I loved, telling me what to do and what he liked.
Now I realise it was probably all for the cameras.
Over six months I went back to his most weekends — his girlfriend was never around as she worked nights as a nurse.
The problem was, I found myself falling for him and started to ask if he fancied meeting up in the day.
He refused, always insisting, “Sorry, but you know I have a girlfriend”.
Soon after, he brushed me off, saying he didn’t think it was working any more.
I was devastated. But three months after we finished sleeping together I bumped into one of his friends, who was really drunk.
He started calling me a “little minx”. Then my heart missed a beat when he slurred about all the videos my ex-lover had shown him.
Furious, I called my ex and confronted him. He told me I should be flattered that he had even wanted to sleep with me.
Then he said I should get over it as he had deleted the videos anyway.
Is this revenge porn? I don’t think he has posted them to any sites though.
What can I do to make sure he has deleted them?
READ MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: What a vile way to treat another human.
This man has no respect for you, or his girlfriend.
He used you and disposed of you as soon as you became inconvenient.
He has manipulated you and picked up that you have low self-esteem – and used it to his own advantage.
He is not only guilty of revenge porn (sharing sexual films of you without your consent) but also of voyeurism (filming you having sex without your knowledge).
Please contact the Revenge Porn Helpline (, 0345 6000 459) for guidance on your best next steps.
You didn’t deserve this treatment and my support pack Raising Self-Esteem will help you slowly build on the low opinion you have of yourself.
